awplog Food Development 1: The Meatza
11/03/23 at 20:35 EST

Decided to do some off-roading with dinner tonight to see if I could find some delicious way to make myself ill so I don't have to get out of bed tomorrow morning, and here we have the meatza: pizza for people allergic to bread and vegetables.

The Dough

Shaved/sliced meat. Steak shavings or a bacon weave are preferred, but I only had salami at the ready, and you work with what you've got. Lay the sliced meat in an orderly fashion, interlocking slices for stability's sake. Vary the thickness to your own liking, but remember that you will need to cut through it, and the cleaner the cut, the better. Some meats are better for cutting than others. Again, salami's not the best, but you work with what you've got.

The Pizza Sauce

Ground beef, the groundier the better. What? There's no room for tomatoes here. Grow up.

Add some cheese

If I had mozz I'd use it, but I'm working with what I've got. This part is to provide something of a pallet to put the toppings onto, and helps hold things together.

Add some toppings

The beauty of pizza is that you can dress it to suit. I went with Swedish meatballs and pepperoni, seasoned with Montreal Steak Spice.

Add some more cheese

Your arteries deserve a nap. Clog 'em right up and give them a rest. The cheese will hold everything together. It's like mother nature's glue when there's a shortage of horses. All set? Pop it in the oven on low for a few minutes to let that cheese melt everything into a tasty pie.

Eat the damn thing

If you didn't go overboard with the meat/sauce, you did it wrong. But on the lighter side, if you did it wrong, you might be able to fold it up like a burrito and eat it with your bear hands. I made good use of a pizza spatula that I found while the meatza was in the oven.

Grab a rum and coke, sit down in front of the tube, and watch some digital entertainment while you feast. Epic Meal-Time seems like a no-brainer here, but I'm a scholar so I ate a few animals while watching a couple episodes of Dilbert.
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